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The strongest and happiest relationships are built on trust.When that trust is broken, one partner feels betrayed, used, and taken advantage of.To a betrayed spouse, the emotional pain associated with the loss of trust hurts far more, and the pain lasts far longer, than the hurt caused by any specific sexual or romantic act.

Moreover, it is flexible depending on the relationship; it lets couples define their own version of fidelity based on what is important to them, as determined through honest, nonjudgmental discussions and mutual decision making.Consider these examples: None of these individuals has had an in-the-flesh sexual encounter outside of their primary relationship, and yet all four have been accused of infidelity by their spouse.These scenarios beg the question: A few years ago, in an attempt to answer this question, Jennifer Schneider, Charles Samenow, and I conducted a survey of women whose husbands were engaging in significant amounts of extramarital sexual activity, either online or in the real world.One partner has done something he or she thinks is perfectly normal and within the bounds of marital bliss, but the other partner feels deeply betrayed by the act, which results in profound emotional pain, sporadic rancor—sometimes simmering, sometimes explosive—and the loss of relationship trust and emotional intimacy.And until fidelity and relationship boundaries are adequately defined, the couple’s issues have no chance to abate.

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